nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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