No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize