dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
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white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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