If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize