..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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