This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
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Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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