I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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