i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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