I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
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Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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