guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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