Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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