if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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