I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
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My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
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Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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