he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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