I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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