I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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