I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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