I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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