her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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