I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize