We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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