You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize