I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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