I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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