i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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