I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm really busy with my period
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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