i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm both gender and math confused
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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