She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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