She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
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The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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