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I cockslap morals
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
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