Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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