Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize