What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
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So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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