Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There r osticjed everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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