I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
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