I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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