I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
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My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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