hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
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I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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