my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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