How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
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People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
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Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize