I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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