i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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