On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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