if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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