wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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