So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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