I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
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Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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