I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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