No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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