Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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